1
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,967
(male narrator)
Previously, on a very special
Clone High:

2
00:00:05,967 --> 00:00:07,533
Tempers flared,

3
00:00:07,533 --> 00:00:09,633
robotic butlers cared,

4
00:00:09,633 --> 00:00:11,667
saliva was shared,

5
00:00:11,667 --> 00:00:15,833
and you, the audience,
were moved very, very deeply.

6
00:00:15,833 --> 00:00:16,833
**

7
00:00:16,833 --> 00:00:18,400
[whispering]
Trust me.

8
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,033
(Abandoned Pools singing)
* Way, way back in the 1980s

9
00:00:21,033 --> 00:00:23,967
* Secret government employees

10
00:00:23,967 --> 00:00:26,867
* Dug up famous
guys and ladies *

11
00:00:26,867 --> 00:00:29,900
* And made amusing
genetic copies *

12
00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:32,700
* Now the clones
are sexy teens now *

13
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,533
* They're going to make it
if they try *

14
00:00:35,533 --> 00:00:38,533
* Loving, learning,
sharing, judging *

15
00:00:38,533 --> 00:00:44,767
* Time to laugh
and shiver and cry *

16
00:00:44,767 --> 00:00:47,500
* Clone High

17
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:53,200
* Clone High

18
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,433
*

19
00:00:54,433 --> 00:00:56,500
All students are special
at Clone High,

20
00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,467
but only some students
are ostracized

21
00:00:58,467 --> 00:01:00,200
because they're special.

22
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,267
That is why it is
my great pleasure,

23
00:01:02,267 --> 00:01:03,900
as president
of the student body,

24
00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:06,233
to officially dedicate
this impassable moat,

25
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,367
protecting us from
the special ed. classroom.

26
00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:09,767
[applause]

27
00:01:09,767 --> 00:01:12,800
Surprised Cleopatra didn't
fill the moat with acid.

28
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,433
Actually, Cleo says it
would kill the piranhas.

29
00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:17,267
Joan of Arc, don't think
about the moat

30
00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:19,300
in terms of its
divisive ignorance,

31
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:21,967
think of it as an opportunity
for building community.

32
00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:23,100
Hey, community!

33
00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:24,233
Skinny-dipping in
the piranha moat!

34
00:01:24,233 --> 00:01:25,233
Yow!

35
00:01:25,233 --> 00:01:27,833
Everybody get
naked!

36
00:01:27,833 --> 00:01:29,467
Whoo!
[splash]

37
00:01:29,467 --> 00:01:30,867
Finally,

38
00:01:30,867 --> 00:01:33,500
I won't be running
for re-election this year.

39
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:35,200
[voice breaking]
This is probably
the last time

40
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,500
I'll ever use these oversized
novelty scissors.

41
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:41,833
Unless a giant
needs a haircut.

42
00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:43,467
Oh, God.

43
00:01:43,467 --> 00:01:45,600
I've got to go
console her.

44
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:46,767
Abe Lincoln, don't.

45
00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:48,067
She's just trying
to get attention

46
00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,633
and you're falling for it.

47
00:01:49,633 --> 00:01:52,333
Ugh, it makes me so mad
I could kiss you.

48
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:54,533
What was that
last part?

49
00:01:54,533 --> 00:01:55,967
I'm sorry, what?

50
00:01:55,967 --> 00:01:59,533
[stammering]
No, I said I could piss glue.

51
00:01:59,533 --> 00:02:00,900
As in,

52
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:03,900
"Oh, I'm so angry
I could piss glue."

53
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:05,133
I've never
heard of that.

54
00:02:05,133 --> 00:02:06,167
Well, it's a very common
expression.

55
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,333
Huh.

56
00:02:07,333 --> 00:02:09,667
Well,
see ya.

57
00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:10,667
[exhales]

58
00:02:10,667 --> 00:02:12,600
Stupid, Joan.

59
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,600
Real stupid.

60
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:14,767
[piranhas chomping]

61
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:15,867
[plop]

62
00:02:15,867 --> 00:02:18,900
[sobbing]
Oh, JFK.

63
00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:20,700
I can't bear
to talk about it.

64
00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:22,333
Thank God, because I
hate it when--

65
00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:24,300
It all started
freshman year.

66
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:27,067
I was elected
president.

67
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:29,067
But now...

68
00:02:29,067 --> 00:02:30,633
[sobbing]
Oh, JFK.

69
00:02:30,633 --> 00:02:32,067
There, there.

70
00:02:32,067 --> 00:02:33,933
It's term limits,
Jack.

71
00:02:33,933 --> 00:02:36,500
Dirty, dirty
term limits.

72
00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:37,933
[cheery]
My only hope is if someone,

73
00:02:37,933 --> 00:02:38,933
and I have
no idea who,

74
00:02:38,933 --> 00:02:40,167
could run for president,
win,

75
00:02:40,167 --> 00:02:41,433
abolish term limits,
resign,

76
00:02:41,433 --> 00:02:42,967
and endorse me as his
replacement.

77
00:02:42,967 --> 00:02:44,200
But who?

78
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,267
Who?

79
00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:46,267
Huh?

80
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,500
Oh, thank you, JFK.

81
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:50,867
Thank you
for your courage.

82
00:02:50,867 --> 00:02:52,667
Can we make out now?

83
00:02:52,667 --> 00:02:55,300
Totally.

84
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,800
[moaning]

85
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,167
Hey, Cleo.

86
00:02:58,167 --> 00:02:59,600
[Cleopatra and JFK making out]

87
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,667
Oh.

88
00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:05,900
(Principal Scudworth)
Your secret army
of clone historical figures

89
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:08,500
is maturing according
to schedule.

90
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:10,200
I'm sorry, Scudworth,
is that a scale model

91
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,200
behind you labeled
"Dr. Scudworth's Evil Plan"?

92
00:03:14,333 --> 00:03:15,667
Say!

93
00:03:15,667 --> 00:03:17,800
Where'd you get those
fresh Pumas, bro?

94
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,067
Actually, we're sponsored
by Puma.

95
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,667
These bad boys
are catalogue only.

96
00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:24,433
If you're implying
that I intend

97
00:03:24,433 --> 00:03:26,067
to steal the clones
away from you

98
00:03:26,067 --> 00:03:28,633
and use them in an expensive
clone theme amusement park,

99
00:03:28,633 --> 00:03:30,067
then shame on you.

100
00:03:30,067 --> 00:03:32,100
By the by,
could I have $2 million?

101
00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:35,933
[laughs]
You know...

102
00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:37,967
for dry-erase markers
and such.

103
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,767
They've got some
keen new colors.

104
00:03:39,767 --> 00:03:42,467
There's kiwi and...

105
00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:43,733
mango.

106
00:03:43,733 --> 00:03:46,067
For giggles, I'm going
to keep saying "no"

107
00:03:46,067 --> 00:03:47,600
until you
turn the TV off.

108
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,800
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no--

109
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:50,833
[electronic whirring]

110
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:53,067
[sighs]

111
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,533
Perhaps you could get

112
00:03:54,533 --> 00:03:56,933
Clone High
a corporate sponsor.

113
00:03:56,933 --> 00:04:00,133
Those Pumas
were rather fresh.

114
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:01,200
Sell out?

115
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,633
And turn the school
into an ad

116
00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:05,200
for some profit-hungry
corporation?

117
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,967
Why, that idea's
as foolish

118
00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:11,833
as getting new brakes
from anywhere but Midas.

119
00:04:11,833 --> 00:04:15,200
(Joan)
I can't believe JFK
is running unopposed.

120
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,733
I mean, you'd think with
a school full of world leaders

121
00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:19,600
someone would be into
student government.

122
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,967
Well, I'm a genetic duplicate
of Abe Lincoln

123
00:04:21,967 --> 00:04:23,267
and I'm not fit
to be president.

124
00:04:23,267 --> 00:04:25,100
If I only knew
what fears

125
00:04:25,100 --> 00:04:27,367
and insecurities
were holding me back.

126
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:28,967
[slurping]

127
00:04:28,967 --> 00:04:30,100
Abe, you should run.

128
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:31,500
I'll manage your campaign.

129
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,567
Together, we'll fight
for things that really matter,

130
00:04:33,567 --> 00:04:35,367
like new bishops
for the chess club.

131
00:04:35,367 --> 00:04:36,867
So what you're
saying is,

132
00:04:36,867 --> 00:04:39,533
if I run for president,
I can get Cleo to like me.

133
00:04:39,533 --> 00:04:41,067
That's why
she likes JFK,

134
00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:42,500
because he's
a natural leader.

135
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,967
Great idea, Joan.

136
00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:45,967
[yells]

137
00:04:45,967 --> 00:04:47,567
[crash]

138
00:04:47,567 --> 00:04:48,800
Clumsy, Joan.

139
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,300
Really clumsy.

140
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:52,300
(Scudworth)
So...

141
00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:54,167
your product is called--

142
00:04:54,167 --> 00:04:55,400
X-Stream Blu!

143
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:56,733
It's a power snack!

144
00:04:56,733 --> 00:04:58,467
Stick it in
your face hole!

145
00:04:58,467 --> 00:04:59,733
This is something
you eat?

146
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,367
[whispering]
It's really just pancake batter

147
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:02,900
mixed with blue house paint
in a sports bottle.

148
00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:03,900
Sick!
Tight!

149
00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:05,233
Cyber awesome!

150
00:05:06,867 --> 00:05:08,200
I see.

151
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,900
Now, for allowing you
to test market

152
00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:11,700
this X-Stream Blu
on my students,

153
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:14,567
I am willing to be paid
$2 million.

154
00:05:14,567 --> 00:05:16,100
Allow me to confer
with my associates.

155
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:17,133
[screams]

156
00:05:17,133 --> 00:05:18,667
- To the max!
- Literally!

157
00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:21,100
I have low
self-esteem!

158
00:05:22,433 --> 00:05:23,933
We accept
your offer.

159
00:05:23,933 --> 00:05:26,167
[gasps]
Dead presidents, Mr. B.

160
00:05:26,167 --> 00:05:27,667
[squeaks]

161
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:30,200
(JFK)
Ask not what
your student body president

162
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,600
can do for you,

163
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,333
ask what you can do

164
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,567
to your
student body president's body.

165
00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:36,867
[cheering]

166
00:05:36,867 --> 00:05:38,567
Okay, there's nothing
to worry about.

167
00:05:38,567 --> 00:05:40,167
He's just making
empty promises

168
00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:41,867
and detailing
his workout routine.

169
00:05:41,867 --> 00:05:45,267
And on Fridays,
I do abs and legs,

170
00:05:45,267 --> 00:05:47,433
but not calves.

171
00:05:47,433 --> 00:05:49,067
As you recall,

172
00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:53,500
I do those with my lats
on Wednesdays!

173
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:54,500
[cheering]

174
00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:55,500
Thank you!

175
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:56,633
Good luck.

176
00:05:56,633 --> 00:06:00,867
[audience cheering]

177
00:06:00,867 --> 00:06:02,200
[Cleopatra and JFK
making out]

178
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,133
My name is Abraham Lincoln

179
00:06:04,133 --> 00:06:07,300
and I'm running
for student body president.

180
00:06:08,767 --> 00:06:11,167
(woman screaming)
I love you, JFK!

181
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:17,067
We've got a lot of tough issues
facing us right now,

182
00:06:17,067 --> 00:06:20,333
such as adding a second section
of AP calculus

183
00:06:20,333 --> 00:06:22,867
for those who have a conflict
between that class

184
00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:24,533
and AP physics.

185
00:06:24,533 --> 00:06:25,567
[clapping]

186
00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:27,067
But first and foremost,

187
00:06:27,067 --> 00:06:30,367
we must get tinted windows
for the albino wing.

188
00:06:30,367 --> 00:06:31,467
[clapping]

189
00:06:31,467 --> 00:06:32,400
Whoo!

190
00:06:35,067 --> 00:06:36,833
Okay, you're done.

191
00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:39,967
Young men and women,
please give it up for

192
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,400
the X-Stream Blu mega crew!

193
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:43,567
[rock music]

194
00:06:43,567 --> 00:06:47,133
[audience cheering]

195
00:06:47,133 --> 00:06:48,467
Hey, everyone!

196
00:06:48,467 --> 00:06:50,100
I'm Tyler,
that's Paco,

197
00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:51,800
and we want you to
get up out of your seats

198
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,067
and clap your hands
to the beat.

199
00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:55,800
[clapping]

200
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,667
(Tyler)
'Cause we're gonna tell you
about X-Stream Blu,

201
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,533
a new max wicked food product

202
00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:01,733
that lives where
extreme meets blue.

203
00:07:01,733 --> 00:07:05,967
It comes in a totally sick
wide-mouth squeeze bottle!

204
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,833
[squish]

205
00:07:07,833 --> 00:07:09,267
[plop]

206
00:07:09,267 --> 00:07:10,267
Email!

207
00:07:10,267 --> 00:07:12,300
That looks
so good!

208
00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:13,300
What's in it?

209
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,067
Great question!

210
00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:17,067
Have a t-shirt.

211
00:07:17,067 --> 00:07:18,600
[boom]

212
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,400
That totally
answers my question!

213
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,433
Man, the audience
was not having that.

214
00:07:24,433 --> 00:07:25,433
Huh, guys?

215
00:07:25,433 --> 00:07:26,800
Um, Abe?

216
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,433
Just give me a few
more minutes of denial.

217
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:39,733
[banging]

218
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:43,067
Abe, Abe,

219
00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:44,967
your speech wasn't
that bad.

220
00:07:44,967 --> 00:07:47,633
Okay, maybe the encore
wasn't the best idea,

221
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:48,633
but the speech
itself--

222
00:07:48,633 --> 00:07:49,633
Whoo!

223
00:07:49,633 --> 00:07:50,933
What stinks
in here, man?

224
00:07:50,933 --> 00:07:53,067
Oh yeah,
it's your campaign.

225
00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:54,467
You died out there.

226
00:07:54,467 --> 00:07:56,633
I mean, that assembly was like
this, boom, this!

227
00:07:56,633 --> 00:07:57,767
You're the boom.

228
00:07:57,767 --> 00:07:58,767
[thud]

229
00:07:58,767 --> 00:08:00,800
No matter how hard I try

230
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,067
to live up
to the real Abe Lincoln,

231
00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:04,400
I always fail.

232
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,400
Hey, don't worry,
man.

233
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,867
Your problems
are answered.

234
00:08:06,867 --> 00:08:09,233
See, I met these really cool
guys after the assembly

235
00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:10,600
that will so get you.

236
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:11,833
Guys, come on
in here, man!

237
00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:12,867
[screams]

238
00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:14,600
X-Stream Blu
in the hizz-ouse!

239
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,900
Flip an ollie and turn it up!

240
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:18,367
Lincoln and X-Stream Blu

241
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:20,500
will literally crunch
the googly to the max!

242
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,800
(all)
Hot sauce!

243
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,800
See, they want
to sponsor your campaign.

244
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,267
And all you gotta do
is abandon your values

245
00:08:27,267 --> 00:08:28,633
and promote
their product

246
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:31,267
by doing some dangerous, extreme
sports-related stunts.

247
00:08:31,267 --> 00:08:33,333
Just sign this legit-ass
contract!

248
00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:35,167
And totally initial
article seven.

249
00:08:35,167 --> 00:08:38,100
My son won't even look me
in the eye anymore!

250
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,300
Wait, what about
the issues, Abe?

251
00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:43,433
What about the carpet
in the library?

252
00:08:43,433 --> 00:08:45,433
[mocking]
Ooh, Abe's big choice.

253
00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:46,533
Ooh,
I wonder what it'll be.

254
00:08:46,533 --> 00:08:48,600
I'm so worried, ooh.

255
00:08:49,667 --> 00:08:50,667
[TV clicks on]

256
00:08:50,667 --> 00:08:51,700
[wind blowing]

257
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:52,767
[all laughing]

258
00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:54,333
*

259
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:57,300
I'll never make it.

260
00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:58,300
[laser zaps]

261
00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,300
Maybe I can help,
slice dog!

262
00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:01,667
Blushie!

263
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:03,433
But I'm no match
for that gang of snow sharks.

264
00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:04,700
Don't worry, bro!

265
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:07,067
Blushie gonna
stream it hardcore!

266
00:09:07,067 --> 00:09:08,400
[squishes]

267
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:09,767
No way!

268
00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:12,733
Hop on,
extreme sports youth!

269
00:09:12,733 --> 00:09:14,167
[yells]

270
00:09:14,167 --> 00:09:15,167
[water crashes]

271
00:09:15,167 --> 00:09:16,233
[exploding]

272
00:09:16,233 --> 00:09:17,233
[women laughing]

273
00:09:17,233 --> 00:09:18,400
Hey!

274
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,133
Let's go surf
the Internet!

275
00:09:21,133 --> 00:09:23,100
What should we do
with all this X-Stream Blu?

276
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:24,800
(Abraham and Blushie)
Spray it in your face

277
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,467
and slam it!

278
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,167
[TV clicks off]

279
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:30,367
You think
it's too much?

280
00:09:30,367 --> 00:09:31,500
[inhales]

281
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,533
(Gandhi)
Abe, I just polled everyone

282
00:09:32,533 --> 00:09:34,633
in the girls' bathroom.

283
00:09:34,633 --> 00:09:35,967
You're ahead!

284
00:09:35,967 --> 00:09:38,067
I knew the poll--
did you say I was winning?

285
00:09:38,067 --> 00:09:39,233
Straight up,
man.

286
00:09:39,233 --> 00:09:40,700
Numbers don't lie.

287
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:41,733
I'm the number five.

288
00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:45,233
Cleo, why are
you crying?

289
00:09:45,233 --> 00:09:48,067
[sobbing]
I just don't think

290
00:09:48,067 --> 00:09:50,067
things are going
to work out with JFK.

291
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:51,067
[sighs]

292
00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:53,067
[whispering]
Wah-hoo.

293
00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:54,467
I am so sorry.

294
00:09:54,467 --> 00:09:56,300
I need someone
to comfort me.

295
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:58,533
Someone who's
leading the polls

296
00:09:58,533 --> 00:10:00,600
and is named Abe.

297
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,167
Wait,
you're named Abe.

298
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:04,267
Aren't you,
Abe?

299
00:10:04,267 --> 00:10:06,100
To the max,
Cleo.

300
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:07,667
To the max.

301
00:10:07,667 --> 00:10:09,233
That's it.

302
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:12,200
All of the pictures I have of
him over my bed are coming down.

303
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,700
Except for that one
where he's under the tree

304
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:16,767
with his shirt off.

305
00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:18,767
[moans]

306
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:21,267
We're rich, Mr. B!

307
00:10:21,267 --> 00:10:22,700
Bling, bling.

308
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:25,200
But shouldn't you be saving
some of this money

309
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,033
for your secret plan instead
of having me gold plated

310
00:10:28,033 --> 00:10:29,933
and lowered?

311
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:31,900
Don't get all up in my business,

312
00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:34,300
my hydraulically outfitted
friend.

313
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,067
Why, I watched the first 2/3

314
00:10:36,067 --> 00:10:37,967
of the MC Hammer
Behind the Music.

315
00:10:37,967 --> 00:10:40,000
And if there's one thing
I've learned about money,

316
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:43,367
it's that it never runs out.

317
00:10:43,367 --> 00:10:47,267
(JFK)
Hey, gay foster dads.

318
00:10:47,267 --> 00:10:49,767
How do I get everyone
to like me?

319
00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:53,467
Baby, a lot of people
liked the original JFK

320
00:10:53,467 --> 00:10:55,167
because he was
such a caring leader

321
00:10:55,167 --> 00:10:57,600
and he inspired
a generation of young people.

322
00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,367
I thought he was
a macho womanizing stud

323
00:11:01,367 --> 00:11:03,100
who conquered the moon.

324
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:04,600
[knocking on door]

325
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,200
Hark, that sounds
like the gentle knock

326
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,667
of a vulnerable teenage girl.

327
00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:10,667
[door creaks]

328
00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:11,967
*

329
00:11:11,967 --> 00:11:13,200
You're wet.

330
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,333
Allow me
to dry you off...

331
00:11:16,333 --> 00:11:17,667
with my pants!

332
00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:19,233
I want to manage
your campaign.

333
00:11:19,233 --> 00:11:21,067
Hey,
whatever you're into.

334
00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:23,133
Dads,
I'm gonna be busy

335
00:11:23,133 --> 00:11:25,667
nailing this kinky broad
for the next 15 minutes.

336
00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:27,467
Would you shut up?

337
00:11:27,467 --> 00:11:30,167
I'm here because I can't stand
Abe being Cleo's puppet

338
00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:32,067
and you can't win the election
without my help.

339
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,333
Here's what
we're gonna do...

340
00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:36,300
[inaudible whispering]

341
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:37,667
And then...

342
00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:39,500
[inaudible whispering]

343
00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:40,500
Well how about...

344
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,500
[inaudible whispering]

345
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:42,767
Dental dam...

346
00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:44,300
[inaudible whispering]

347
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:45,300
[smack]
Bobby!

348
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:47,667
Okay,
no dental dam.

349
00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:51,167
Folks, for my next totally
outrageous campaign stunt,

350
00:11:51,167 --> 00:11:53,767
I will ride this wind surfboard,

351
00:11:53,767 --> 00:11:56,300
which is connected
by a bungee cord

352
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,167
to this monster truck,

353
00:11:58,167 --> 00:12:00,500
which my friend Gandhi
will drive back and forth

354
00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:02,467
on this half-pipe,

355
00:12:02,467 --> 00:12:04,767
just like the real Abe Lincoln
would've done,

356
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,767
had he the tools to do so.

357
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,067
[engine revs]

358
00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:09,133
[engine roars]

359
00:12:09,133 --> 00:12:10,067
[metal clangs]

360
00:12:11,133 --> 00:12:13,433
[cheering]

361
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:14,967
Hey everybody,

362
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:18,500
something is on
the closed-circuit TV.

363
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:22,300
[cheering]

364
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:23,967
(announcer)
Abraham Lincoln.

365
00:12:23,967 --> 00:12:25,500
Honest Abe.

366
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:27,667
Or so he'd have you believe.

367
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:30,800
Last year, Abe said
he was 15 years old.

368
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,433
Now he claims to be 16.

369
00:12:33,433 --> 00:12:34,900
Which is it, Abe?

370
00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:36,467
Better keep your story straight.

371
00:12:36,467 --> 00:12:38,100
[baby cries]

372
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:40,067
He'd also like you to believe
he's not a baby eater.

373
00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:42,567
But he's never gone on record
saying he isn't.

374
00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:45,400
Maybe he's too busy
eating babies.

375
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,700
I can't wait to eat this--

376
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:47,700
[tape whines]

377
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,067
baby.

378
00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:50,100
[all gasp]

379
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,100
[gags]

380
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:52,833
[slurping]

381
00:12:52,833 --> 00:12:54,567
(announcer)
When is it gonna stop, Abe?

382
00:12:54,567 --> 00:12:56,733
Not voting for Abe:

383
00:12:56,733 --> 00:12:58,733
it just makes sense.

384
00:12:58,733 --> 00:13:01,767
How did JFK get
my spaghetti video?

385
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,067
[dramatic music]

386
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:09,567
[whooshing]

387
00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:11,733
Hey, turn that frown
upside down, Abe.

388
00:13:11,733 --> 00:13:12,833
[squish]

389
00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:14,633
At least it can't
get any worse.

390
00:13:14,633 --> 00:13:16,800
How many times have
I told you not to say that?

391
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,733
Now something worse
is gonna happen,

392
00:13:18,733 --> 00:13:20,333
I've seen it
on Happy Days, watch:

393
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:21,333
In three,

394
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:22,333
two,

395
00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:23,333
one.

396
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:24,800
Abe.

397
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,467
I'm really confused about
my feelings right now.

398
00:13:27,467 --> 00:13:29,333
I think I just...

399
00:13:29,333 --> 00:13:30,700
need some time
to be alone...

400
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:32,267
*

401
00:13:32,267 --> 00:13:33,300
with JFK.

402
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:35,900
Wait.

403
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,700
At least it can't
get any better.

404
00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:39,333
It doesn't work
that way, Gandhi.

405
00:13:40,667 --> 00:13:43,300
[fluttering]

406
00:13:44,933 --> 00:13:49,200
(female singer)
* The heart in my mind
has been hoping *

407
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,900
*

408
00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:56,200
* And the mind in my heart
has been wishing *

409
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,733
*

410
00:13:57,733 --> 00:13:58,733
Abe?

411
00:13:58,733 --> 00:14:00,267
What are you
doing here?

412
00:14:00,267 --> 00:14:02,667
I come out here
to think sometimes.

413
00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:03,900
Me too.

414
00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:05,467
Well, right now all
I can think about

415
00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:07,633
is not thinking about you over
there on your thinking dock

416
00:14:07,633 --> 00:14:08,900
thinking about
what you did.

417
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:11,067
I was only trying
to help, Abe.

418
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,767
You don't know
what you're getting into.

419
00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:14,567
What she's
getting you into.

420
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:16,533
You don't know what
you're getting into.

421
00:14:16,533 --> 00:14:18,867
And that's out of
my friendship.

422
00:14:18,867 --> 00:14:21,067
And you know what
hurts the most, Joan?

423
00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:22,400
This nail I just
stepped on.

424
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:23,733
[ding]

425
00:14:23,733 --> 00:14:25,733
But there's a metaphorical nail
in my other foot

426
00:14:25,733 --> 00:14:26,933
that hurts the second most,

427
00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:28,667
and it's from you
backstabbing me.

428
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:30,533
So, maybe instead of
the nail metaphor,

429
00:14:30,533 --> 00:14:32,300
I should've used
a stabbing metaphor,

430
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,967
but it's too late for that now,
isn't it?

431
00:14:33,967 --> 00:14:35,367
I guess it is.

432
00:14:35,367 --> 00:14:37,600
That's where you're wrong, Joan.

433
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,067
Because I'm gonna win
that election

434
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:40,767
with the most
dangerous campaign stunt

435
00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:43,267
since Dukakis jumped
the Snake River Canyon.

436
00:14:43,267 --> 00:14:45,667
Goodbye, Joan.

437
00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:47,200
[splash]

438
00:14:48,367 --> 00:14:50,567
Goodbye, Joan.

439
00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:53,967
*

440
00:14:56,433 --> 00:14:58,767
[intense music]

441
00:14:58,767 --> 00:14:59,833
(all)
Hut, hut, hut, hut--

442
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:02,333
Hello, Clone High!

443
00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:04,067
X-Stream Blu presents:

444
00:15:04,067 --> 00:15:06,967
the X-Stream Blu high school
presidential debate,

445
00:15:06,967 --> 00:15:09,533
with celebrity panelists
Marilyn Manson,

446
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:11,900
Mena Suvari,
and introducing

447
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:14,067
Murray T. Wayans.

448
00:15:14,067 --> 00:15:15,433
[blows raspberry]

449
00:15:15,433 --> 00:15:18,667
And now, he risks his ass
to thrill his class:

450
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,833
Abe Lincoln.

451
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:22,833
[door crashes]

452
00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:23,833
[roars]

453
00:15:23,833 --> 00:15:24,833
[boom]

454
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:26,233
[cheering]

455
00:15:26,233 --> 00:15:27,233
[thud]

456
00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:28,633
[audience cheering]

457
00:15:28,633 --> 00:15:30,067
Woo-hoo!

458
00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:35,100
And on this podium,
captain of the football team

459
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:39,100
and el capitán
of the fútbol team,

460
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:41,733
JFK.

461
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:43,900
Woo-hoo!

462
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:45,400
I can't see

463
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:49,067
due to the glare from
Mena Suvari's enormous forehead.

464
00:15:49,067 --> 00:15:50,133
[whirring]

465
00:15:50,133 --> 00:15:51,900
(Manson)
Next question is for JFK.

466
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:54,067
How do you respond
to the criticism that,

467
00:15:54,067 --> 00:15:55,833
unlike Abe and myself,

468
00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:57,733
you won't put yourself
at risk of physical harm

469
00:15:57,733 --> 00:15:59,133
in order to gain approval?

470
00:15:59,133 --> 00:16:03,367
That is a good question,
scary androgynous white guy.

471
00:16:03,367 --> 00:16:07,067
And I would like to reply
by taking my shirt off.

472
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,400
[girls screaming]

473
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,200
My bare-chested opponent
raises a good point,

474
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,400
but he's avoiding the fact
that X-Stream Blu

475
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,700
is mad-packed with all nine
essential nutri-mites

476
00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:17,300
to fortify your X-Zone.

477
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:19,233
(JFK)
May I respond to that?

478
00:16:19,233 --> 00:16:20,233
Yes, you may.

479
00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:21,633
Abe's a tot-muncher.

480
00:16:21,633 --> 00:16:22,967
Oh, yeah?

481
00:16:22,967 --> 00:16:25,500
For my rebuttal,
I'd like to dramatically gesture

482
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:28,500
to this giant death-defying
skateboard ramp behind me.

483
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:29,500
[metal whirring]

484
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:30,567
[fire whooshing]

485
00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:31,567
[thud]

486
00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:32,567
[alligators crunching]

487
00:16:32,567 --> 00:16:33,567
[dolphin chatters]

488
00:16:33,567 --> 00:16:35,933
I intend to ride said ramp.

489
00:16:35,933 --> 00:16:36,933
Gandhi.

490
00:16:36,933 --> 00:16:38,133
[groans]

491
00:16:38,133 --> 00:16:41,100
You may now attach
the skateboard...

492
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:43,300
to my head.

493
00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:44,300
[metal whirring]

494
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:45,300
[alligators crunching]

495
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:46,600
[dolphin chatters]

496
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:47,600
[all gasp]

497
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,667
[intense music]

498
00:16:49,667 --> 00:16:52,200
Abe, it all
comes down to...

499
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:58,200
[slow motion]
this.

500
00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,500
[all gasp]

501
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:03,200
[slow motion]
Gan...

502
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,200
[slow motion]
dhi!

503
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:07,200
[thud]

504
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,133
[gurgle]

505
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:10,500
[squish]

506
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:11,500
[audience gasps]

507
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:12,500
Marilyn Manson?

508
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:13,833
Yes.

509
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,167
It is my professional opinion
as a rock star

510
00:17:16,167 --> 00:17:17,367
and a licensed doctor,

511
00:17:17,367 --> 00:17:19,067
that this student
is suffering from

512
00:17:19,067 --> 00:17:21,267
malnutrition.

513
00:17:21,267 --> 00:17:23,500
Mena, I'm going to need
one milligram

514
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,833
of sub-q glucagon, stat.

515
00:17:26,833 --> 00:17:28,100
How can
this be?

516
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:33,200
*

517
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,100
What have I done?

518
00:17:36,667 --> 00:17:39,667
Fellow students,
X-Stream Blu is a sham.

519
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,167
For four days straight,

520
00:17:41,167 --> 00:17:43,433
Gandhi ate nothing
but pancake batter

521
00:17:43,433 --> 00:17:44,800
and blue house paint.

522
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,967
A shallow ploy by
Racist Mammy Breakfast Foods

523
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,800
to jazz up an old product
with extreme marketing,

524
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,400
the same marketing scheme
I used to win your votes.

525
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,967
Well, I don't deserve
your votes.

526
00:17:56,967 --> 00:17:57,967
I suck.

527
00:17:57,967 --> 00:18:01,933
[audience booing]

528
00:18:01,933 --> 00:18:03,300
[rock music]

529
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:04,433
[exclaims]

530
00:18:04,433 --> 00:18:07,967
There goes our ghetto fabulous
lifestyle.

531
00:18:07,967 --> 00:18:09,933
Bling, bling.

532
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,567
Wait, everyone.

533
00:18:12,567 --> 00:18:14,267
You should vote for Abe,

534
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:16,733
because a real leader does
what Abe just did,

535
00:18:16,733 --> 00:18:18,100
and what he always does.

536
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:19,933
He stands up for
the right thing

537
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:22,700
even if it makes him
look like a jackass.

538
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:25,433
That's the kind of jackass
I want in my corner.

539
00:18:25,433 --> 00:18:29,500
[audience applauding]

540
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:32,967
That's the highest score yet
on the applause-o-meter,

541
00:18:32,967 --> 00:18:36,833
the official voting system
of Clone High.

542
00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:39,633
Looks like Lincoln
is your new president.

543
00:18:39,633 --> 00:18:42,100
You're gonna make
a great-ass president.

544
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:43,500
Thanks, Joan,

545
00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:46,167
for showing me how
to be a real-ass leader.

546
00:18:47,533 --> 00:18:49,300
(man)
Hey, check out
that stray puppy.

547
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,600
Oh, my God,
he is so cute.

548
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,167
(man)
And it's licking
that dead Smurf's face.

549
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,567
(all)
Aww.

550
00:18:56,567 --> 00:18:57,733
[crash]

551
00:18:57,733 --> 00:18:59,133
Fine, whatever.

552
00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:01,400
This random dog
is your new president.

553
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,267
Hey, new president.

554
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,767
That's a cute collar.

555
00:19:05,767 --> 00:19:06,800
[slurping]

556
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,467
Well, we sure learned
a lot today.

557
00:19:09,467 --> 00:19:11,100
I'll say.

558
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:14,133
But there's just one thing
I don't understand, Dr. Manson.

559
00:19:14,133 --> 00:19:18,067
How does a growing boy like me
eat a healthy, balanced diet?

560
00:19:18,067 --> 00:19:19,733
Well, Gandhi,
I'll tell you

561
00:19:19,733 --> 00:19:22,800
the only way
I know how.

562
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:27,533
* The ancient pharaohs were not
too bright, they say *

563
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:30,333
* But they made
one contribution *

564
00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:33,300
* That I live by to this day

565
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:35,733
* It's the food pyramid *

566
00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:38,367
* And it's approved
by the USDA *

567
00:19:38,367 --> 00:19:41,367
[upbeat music]

568
00:19:41,367 --> 00:19:42,600
*

569
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,467
* Whole grains
are the foundation *

570
00:19:44,467 --> 00:19:46,500
* So please take my advice

571
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:50,700
* Have 5 to 11 servings
of bread, cereal, or rice *

572
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:52,567
* 3 to 5 of vegetables

573
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:54,400
* And four of fruits is best

574
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:58,300
* Their antioxidants and fiber
help you to digest *

575
00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:02,767
* Three servings
of yogurt, milk, and cheese *

576
00:20:02,767 --> 00:20:03,900
* Will help your bones

577
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:06,900
* And subsidize
the cattle industries *

578
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:08,633
**

579
00:20:08,633 --> 00:20:10,633
* A body needs to grow

580
00:20:10,633 --> 00:20:12,400
* And growing takes proteins

581
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,667
* That's why meat
can be a tasty treat *

582
00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:16,400
* Like fish or human beings

583
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:17,400
[chomps]

584
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,933
* When you eat your sweets

585
00:20:18,933 --> 00:20:20,633
* Make sure you try

586
00:20:20,633 --> 00:20:23,167
* To limit your servings

587
00:20:23,167 --> 00:20:24,200
* Or you'll *

588
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:28,033
[heavy metal music]
* Die

589
00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:29,300
Everybody!

590
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:31,200
[upbeat music]
* My body's a pyramid *

591
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,333
* That's made of healthy food *

592
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,833
* So do what we say

593
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:35,833
(all)
* Yeah

594
00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:37,300
* Eat right every day

595
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,300
(all)
* Food

596
00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:39,633
* I

597
00:20:39,633 --> 00:20:41,567
* Love

598
00:20:41,567 --> 00:20:44,033
* You

599
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:46,233
Buy American.

600
00:20:46,233 --> 00:20:49,167
Well, I guess we
did learn that.

601
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:50,800
*

602
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,900
(announcer)
Next time, on a very special
Clone High,

603
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:57,600
someone open-mouth kisses
someone else.

604
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,467
So set your VCRs for stunned,

605
00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:02,133
because you will be.

606
00:21:02,133 --> 00:21:04,100
Oh, you will be.

607
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:07,067
(Abandoned Pools singing)
* Way, way back in the 1980s

608
00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:09,933
* Secret government employees

609
00:21:09,933 --> 00:21:12,833
* Dug up famous
guys and ladies *

610
00:21:12,833 --> 00:21:15,867
* And made amusing
genetic copies *

611
00:21:15,867 --> 00:21:18,667
* Now the clones
are sexy teens now *

612
00:21:18,667 --> 00:21:21,500
* They're going to make it
if they try *

613
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:24,500
* Loving, learning,
sharing, judging *

614
00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:30,733
* Time to laugh
and shiver and cry *

615
00:21:30,733 --> 00:21:33,533
* Clone High